My husband has a pet name for me, always has. He has always referred to me as "my dove." I HATE conflict with all my being! This morning was "one of THOSE" mornings! Murphy's Law was in effect and when Murphy's in the house, momma ain't happy. I think I'm actually going to rename the devil and all the hellish situations in my life murphy, and acts of murphy. It was one of those mornings where I fought and fought HARD. I didn't do a perfect job, I wasn't the model of serenity, and this morning, I became a porcupine, instead of a dove.
My kid had Waaaaaayyyy too much sugar last night, and with my kid, sugar shows its evil grains hours and sometimes 1/2 a day later. He has a rush of energy, crashes, and in the morning seems like a kid hopped up on Starbucks from the moment he opens his eyes. Well, last night my husband and I enjoyed our evening out, and needless to say, my son REALLLLLy enjoyed his time at home-it was movie and popsicle night. I'll be reallllllly specific with the babysitter the next time we leave the house. Well, it all fell apart right about, oh, say, church time!!! Everything bothered him, everything bothered me, and it was a BAD scene. I had the privilege of serving the children of our church today, too, I teach "Sunday School." Our group is called My-Turn, and let me just tell you, it really was a battle of my-turns today, for my son and for me.
My son and I are both VERY strong-willed people. I delight when people bless me, telling me he's just like you....I really don't know if it's a compliment or not, but I sure do love having a kiddo who shares some of the same interests and quirks as I do. However, it's not all it's cracked up to be when my son is five and I regress and act like I am five too! I think you could have made a movie with the faces of frustration I posed in church. It was no place for face making, and no place for my son's behavior, and no place for the sugar meltdown he had.
What it was though, was a place for looking at the whole awful home movie I made in my mind after the fact, and bringing it all, every little annoying scene to someone I knew could handle it. I looked at the porcupine in the mirror and said, stop "making mischief." I felt like Max in "Where the Wild Things Are." I felt utterly undone and wild and like escaping to a place I knew I was safe and a place I knew I could be tamed. My porcupine self knows when I've had enough, and when to give up the mischief. I threw myself on my bed and looked in the mirror with the reflection of Truth, who I am, in spite of my quills, in spite of my mistakes, in spite of my reactions this morning. I chose to look at the situation that could have ruined my whole day and said, "Be still!" And you know what, just like Max, I tamed them, those terrible thoughts of oh, what a bad mommy, not being able to handle her kid in church perfectly right away. I don't have a "magic trick," but I sure did stare into the face of a bad time and get past it. I face the flaw of this morning dead on, "without blinking once" and I became the "most wild thing of all." I am now the master of my quills, and like Max, the "king of all wild things."
Isn't it funny that God uses the same words to assist us when we think we can do no more, "be still." Max is a VERY wise little, naughty boy! I'm not very wise, but God has promised to give it if we ask, and today, I asked! I am very proud that anytime I get my quills all up that I have a safe harbor, a place where I can rest all the wild thoughts that creep into my head when circumstances and situations want to get the best of me. I have "supper waiting" for me, and it will always be, "still hot." God is such a giving, loving, patient provider! His food, His strength, His love is always there, even when we look like idiots to our kids, to those around us, and to ourselves. He reminds us that we all have our "wild rumpus" moments, and that He's there when we're ready to take off the costume and stop "making mischief."
By fighting, by laying it down, and by admitting I hadn't been the dove, the porcupine was led back home, in the shadows, away where it could hurt no one anymore. I am so thankful for my adventure today. It's taught me so much, even though it hurt so much!
Raymond is calm again, and I am too. We've both gotten things out of our systems that sure didn't belong there. It took time, it took release, and it took love to make it through our day.
With gratitude I go to make salads to complete our dinner....
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